Category Archives: Inspiration
Healing the Wounds of Creative Success: Fame
(Before you jump off this page thinking this doesn’t apply to you, I’m going to ask you to please stay. Because while fame may or may not apply to you now, it surely does to someone you know, work with or want to work with. And understanding this aspect of creative life can only help you become a more caring, insightful individual. If you are someone who is subject to fame, may you find something for your spirit here.)
A Hidden Struggle
One reason I am a writer is to give people a voice – particularly to those who are unheard. A second reason is to get people to stop and think and see things a bit differently. It may seem contradictory, but some of the most unheard people are those who live under the veil of fame. And while you would think people in a position of recognition would have the power to be heard, the nature of fame often results in just the opposite.
We don’t hear about the spiritual aspects of fame and we don’t talk about it for a couple of reasons. One, the all-encompassing belief that says “If you’re famous, you have no right to complain about anything. Shut up and be grateful for what you have.” And the pressure not to appear weak or incapable of handling it.
For all its empowering benefits, fame is, more often than not, alienating and isolating. It can bless your life and tear your spirit apart at the same time.
A Perceived Loss of Identity
Fame isn’t just fans and followers limiting you from everyday activities and the freedom to be in public (which the non-famous so take for granted) – no the deeper wounds of fame come from a perceived loss of identity. It’s driven by the fact that ‘everyone’ believes they know you when, in fact, very few people actually do.
And when everyone thinks they know you and base that “knowing” on fantasy, image and assumptions that have nothing to do with the real you, trying to hold the real you above water becomes a spiritual life-and-death battle. One your soul may feel like it’s losing.
You may live with the perception that the real you is disappearing. Figuring out how to be you and retain your individuality can be very challenging given that the tide of fame will always be stronger than the current of you. So what happens? Feelings of isolation, anger, resentment, insecurity, being misunderstood, judged, criticized, and not being heard flood in. And what does the human spirit do in response? Feels wounded and builds ways to protect itself – ways that may deny, numb or resist it. Which often only cause one to be more alienated and misunderstood.
As human beings, we want to belong; but even more so, we want to be understood.
If no one can hear the real you, and you can never make yourself truly heard, it’s traumatizing. Your inner circle becomes your only circle and the only place you have a chance of being known, but even then it’s subject to a torrent of trust issues.
Being Heard
If you live under this fog of fame, you deal with a constant barrier between who you are and who everyone else thinks you are. They react to the version of you that they think you are. You react from who you are and a disconnect happens. They feel let down and you feel alone. You are communicating, but people aren’t hearing you because they’re listening to the version of you they have in their heads.
If you’re an A-list singer, director, actor or actress, you are aware that your “image” is part of your brand of success – and this perceived identity is necessary to keep a loyal fan base (which keeps you working and earning income.) But somewhere in this mix, your spirit needs to be heard. And you need to be the first person to listen to it.
The voices surrounding you push, push, push for continued success, more revenue. Once you’ve achieved the status of fame, it becomes exceedingly difficult to separate yourself from the expectations others have that you will continue to choose this path and the reality that you are a human individual who has every right to control his or her destiny.
Gratitude for your success and your fans, financial obligations, the expectation that what you’ve achieved is so rare that there’s no way you could ever consider not remaining on this path, the competition of peers – are all real and weighty pressures that make it harder and harder to hear your own inner guidance.
But if you don’t listen to your inner voice, who will?
Your Fans Will Never See You for Who You Are
Efforts to protect your heart from getting hurt and to protect people you love often cause one to either withdraw or lash out. And neither behavior actually represents who you are in your spirit. The public then reacts to your actions no matter what your intention was and you get stabbed again with the knife of misunderstanding. Trying to get the public to see you for who you are rarely works because, frankly, they can’t see you. They’re blinded by the perception of fame. No matter what you do, you will not be able to make them see. (They don’t actually want to see you as that would break the spell.)
So this isn’t about making fans see you for who you are – or whether or not they would accept you if they could. No, it’s about you seeing yourself for who you are. And living from that perspective in your day-to-day life. To do this you have to be grounded in spirit. You have to maintain a bigger picture of what matters in your life and live from the sense of power within your spirit.
Let Yourself Be Human
But how do you live from a place of personal power when your environment causes unnatural restrictions and often feels more hostile than accepting? How do you remember who you are in Spirit? Where you came from in Source? You start by allowing yourself to be human. By looking at the limiting beliefs you’ve also assumed and testing them, contemplating them and deciding if those beliefs actually serve your well-being and happiness. Perhaps nowhere else is it more important to decide who you are than when living under fame.
Start by accepting that it’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to feel it. Every time you are misunderstood, there’s a part of you that people are rejecting, a part that is not heard, and that hurts. It doesn’t matter if you’re new to fame or a veteran at it. Every time someone lies about you, it hurts your spirit. Every time your name and image appear in ways that do not represent who you really are, you feel disempowered. It hurts. To deny it or try to rise above it will only make it worse. Few things hurt as deeply as not being understood. And once you admit that, you can focus on finding areas in your life where you can be understood. You can open yourself up to being gentler and less guarded.
Second, don’t give your power away. Don’t give your fans the responsibility of making you feel understood. Don’t give them the task of making your life meaningful. Don’t expect them to know you. Give up that underlying hope that they will know the real you. Concentrate on building trust in relationships close to you where it is safe to be vulnerable and exposed.
Third, remember who you are. Not who you’ve become. But who you are. The you inside that first felt the urge to create, act, perform, direct – the you that remembers why you chose a creative life, the you who still remembers who you were before you became famous.
Control What’s In Your Realm to Control
Fourth, live your life. Your power to live your life comes from what you decide to believe – about your fans, your position, your situation, your power, your worth, your ability to contribute. It all comes from your perspective, the way you choose to think about things.
You can choose to live in fear and insecurity or you can choose to live by faith and trust in yourself and Source.
You can let everyone elses’ opinion cut you raw or you can recognize that what they say is not the truth about you.
You can choose to live your life your way or let others dictate your life to you.
You can recognize and honor the fact that underneath fame, you are a human being with a human heart and emotions and that just because you’re famous doesn’t mean you can’t choose another path, that it’s not all right to feel what you do, or have priorities that mean more to you than being who you are to your fans and industry. You have the right to make choices about your life. To change course if it means a more fulfilling life for you. After all, what does it profit you, if you gain the whole world, and lose your own soul and happiness?
The more famous you are, the less conventional freedom you have. What is most important to remember is that your perception and thoughts are always within your control. And we create our lives by our thoughts.
Connect with Spirit
Most likely, if you’re famous, you’ve felt the isolation and alienation. You also feel blessed, grateful, and proud of where your work has taken you. You know that there are trade-offs for this level of success. Trade carefully. Your family and children don’t care if you’re famous. They just want you. Don’t feel obligated to feel a certain way just because you are experiencing fame. Don’t let fame be a reason you miss out on a life that you want or keep you from changing the life you have now. You only get one shot at your current lifetime.
Unfortunately, you may not find much support or spiritual guidance when it comes to dealing with fame. Nurturing your spiritual life and discovering what grounds you is essential. You have to be conscious of where you are looking for validation – to whom or what you are turning toward to find meaning in your life.
And you need to realize that no matter how hurt you’ve been, you have the power to heal and find wholeness.
Your creative gifts may earn your living, but they gift the rest of us with perspectives, insights and stories that have the power to change us.
And that’s an amazing ability to have. But only if it’s bringing you joy, too.
Screenwriters: Are You Writing for the Wrong Audience?
When you write a novel, you write for your final readers – the consumer who will purchase your book. You don’t write for an agent or an editor or anyone else.
When you write a screenplay, however, you write knowing your final viewer will never see it. So who are you writing for?
While we screenwriters envision our version of our stories on the screen, our real job is storytelling. Because we are telling a story that others will pick up and retell – adding their own twists and turns, making it their own in their telling of it. And ultimately, it will land in a director’s hands who will “catch the vision,”see it through his or her creative lens and bring the story to life through the cast and crew. This can sound incredibly frightening when you think of how intimately you know your characters, their stories, what they’re after. And how hard you’ve worked at creating scenes that tell that story. And you’re right, it is a matter of trust.
But it is also a matter of perspective. If you write solely with the idea that your words on the page will be the final result, you miss the full weight of what you can contribute and do with the story for the other creative professionals it will be entrusted to.
As I’ve said before, a screenwriter is the first trustee of the story.
We have certain responsibilities that no other creative professional – not even additional writers – can fulfill.
We carry the honor of “origin” – the story first presented itself to us and no one will ever know that original story better than we will. But, stories are more than description, action and dialogue – all stuff that can and most likely will be changed. So what is that we have that others don’t?
The meaning of the story.
Theme.
When someone else “catches the vision” of your script – it’s the theme they catch. They may or may not like the way you’ve told the story, but if they catch the theme, they’ll respond to it. If that theme resonates with them creatively, spiritually and financially, they’ll pursue it. Because at the heart of this business is storytelling. And theme drives story.
So what do our colleagues need from us?
1. A soul-driven story.
This means that your characters have human qualities, seem realistic to our emotions and move from a place of pain, need, hunger to growth, truth, and freedom. It means you write your own soul into it. You put the “humanness” into the story.
2. A story they can shape.
A well-crafted story has shape and is malleable. Actors and directors will bring life to your story that words on paper never can achieve – and they do that by being individuals and bringing their best creativity to the process. If you give them leeway in a script by giving them a solid theme-based story that they can spark ideas off of, they will. They’ll work with what you’ve presented, work with the characters, and create scenes that best present the theme.
3. Willingness to let go and let them.
If you’ve carried the theme well in your script, you’ll have faith that it will be carried into the final version of the story. Scenes, dialogue, description may change, but the story will a solid foundation to stand on and you will be able to trust others as they take responsibility for it. Remember, there’s always more than one way to get a message across. It’s the message (theme) that counts.
4. Understand their roles in the process.
As writers it’s too easy to get trapped inside our part of the process. We need to learn more about the people who will be the other trustees of the story.We need to understand their roles in the creative process and how they use the script as a working document.
Mark Travis‘s book Directing Feature Films gives a wonderful presentation of a director’s perspective of the script and the process a director may go through to capture that vision and continue the trust of the story. (He also has a very caring, respectful attitude toward writers and actors, which is refreshing and nurturing.) Exploring the craft of the other creative professionals who will be entrusted with the story is essential to understand what it is they need from you in the original script.
When you write from the perspective of theme – then you free yourself from the weight of seeing every word as “do or die” – and can tell the story in a solid way that presents the meaning of the story through the spiritual problems, growth and fulfillment of the characters. How that happens in the story may change. But the essence of the story will remain. And that’s where writers can find the deepest fulfillment. Knowing that our job is to present a powerful, moving story that touches the human spirit and inspires others to share it with the world, too.
Six Mistakes that Stop Creative Dreams in Their Tracks
1. Saying “It’s too hard” instead of “It’s challenging.”
This may seem trivial, but words really do matter. And if you are a writer, you know that all too well. The meaning of a word and it’s perceived meaning can change the whole story. Words have that power over your life, too. Say these two sentences to yourself: “It’s too hard.” “It’s challenging.” Which one feels like there’s no hope? Which one feels as if you can do it, it’s just not as easy as you thought it’d be?
That’s right. You know what else? “It’s too hard” is the last thing we say before we start toying with the real possibility of quitting. Our brains know this. “It’s too hard” is a trigger for “I can’t do this. I’m giving up.”
“It’s challenging” also means that it’s not easy, but it doesn’t trigger our brains in the same way. “Challenge” poses a choice and plays to our sense of wanting to win. So, next time your creative work isn’t easy, tell yourself “It’s challenging” and do not say “It’s too hard.”
2. Waiting for someone else to validate your work.
As a creator, only you know the intent of what it is you’re creating. Only you can judge if you’ve created what you started out to create. You can get feedback and should – from credible, experienced professionals who do not see you as a competitor, but as a valuable client and colleague in the industry. Be willing to pay for quality service.
But you alone should be the final judge of your work. We all need a second set of eyes – to give us perspectives we can’t see, to point out areas that need clarification or improvement. Yet, at the end of the day, we have to value our own instincts on our work more than anyone else’s. So, if you are waiting for someone else to validate your work and declare you an artist, stop. You decide who you are.
3. Not putting your own soul into your work.
This one comes down to motivation. Why do you create? If your first answer is to make money or be famous, then you need to realize that your work will never be as fulfilling as it could be. People will never be as moved by work that does not connect them to its creator’s soul. We see “formula” work all the time – and if this is what you want to do, there’s a place for you. But just be aware that “formula” work cannot stir the human spirit as work that comes from the soul.
Don’t make an excuse for yourself on this either. Just because you are creating work that someone has commissioned you to do, doesn’t mean you can’t go into the work, find what connects to your soul and bring yourself into it. If you do, you’ll bring us that magic that we all recognize, but can never define. And we need that. We need you to put yourself into it, to connect to us, to make us feel and remember our unique human journey.
4. Being desperate and assuming.
An actor the other day mentioned they had expertise in a non-creative job field that I am interested in for a script I’m working on. So, I asked if this person would be willing to tell me more about it. The person’s response? Only if they could be included in the storyline! As a writer, I have no control over casting, so I’m not sure what this person was thinking I could promise. But, I rescinded my request. Why? Because this person’s first reaction was “what’s in it for me?” It got me thinking about how easy it is sometimes to act desperate when we are living by fear or scarcity. People can smell desperateness. And no one is attracted to it.
No matter how badly you want something, if you come off as desperate or so fearful that you won’t get what you want (and respond with self-interest only), people will pass you by and move on to the next person.
Why? Because people react to you by the way you make them feel.
And there are always other people who will make them feel positive, happy to be involved, cared for, at ease and connected to why they got into this business in the first place.
Let that person be you.
5. Not caring how you treat other people – even people who don’t “deserve” respect.
This one is about your own well-being. It’s about being a person of integrity, about how you choose the way people will experience you. It’s not about the other person.
You can choose to react to people in such a way that they will never be harmed for having known you. And that goes to always respecting the human spirit in people. Even people who live by fear, selfishness, and pain. People who put you down or belittle your work, or say nasty things about you. People who can’t see the “big” picture in life and are tied to their limiting beliefs.
It’s about being generous.
Always be generous and give people a measure of respect, even when they don’t deserve it.
Why? Because you will know that you have not caused harm. Their spirit won’t be worse off for having interacted with you. They may have issues and pain that they don’t know how to resolve that come off in a variety of fear-based, self-protective behaviors. But, how you respond is not about them. It’s about you.
And you have the power to make a positive difference. At the end of the day, that’s how you find meaning in your creative life.
It’s not to say that you become a doormat or let other people use or abuse you. No. You have boundaries and you make choices not to work with them, not to engage, not to be caught into their fears. And if you do have to work with them? You still make choices about how they will experience you. Because, like I said, this is about you.
6. Not knowing when to turn a deal down.
There’s a lot of pressure to accept deals, to be able to say you are getting paid, produced, marketed, distributed etc. And, if you’re a creative professional, selling your work is how you make your living. But, is any deal better than no deal?
I don’t think so. One of the lessons I’ve learned is that it’s important to know when to turn down a deal. To say no to a client, a job, a deal, a person that just doesn’t feel right. And if you are paying attention to your inner guidance, you know when the warning bells sound off. Listen to them.
Every deal is ultimately about the people who make them, the people you’ll work or collaborate with. If you don’t feel a sense of certainty and ‘rightness’ about them, it’s probably not right for you. (Don’t confuse this with being scared at the possibility of being stretched by a new or bigger opportunity – we all get scared then, and that’s healthy.) But when your gut tells you something’s not right, you can say no. You can pass on a deal.
You can trust that the right one will come along or that if it never does, you at least made a decision that was right for your spirit.
Don’t entangle yourself in situations that are going to fray your spirit or your integrity or your preference for doing business in a way that nurtures the human spirit instead of tears it down.
This is your creative life. Live it well.
Be Less Afraid
We need to be less afraid.
I mean, come on, what do we really have to lose?
Think about it: if you have your health and people who love you, you have everything. Art – or any creative endeavor – is just play in this wonderful game of life. It might be what we do for a living, and we might be dead serious about it, but in reality what’s the worst that can happen to you if something doesn’t go right with your art?
That’s what I thought. It’s not that bad, is it. So what are we so afraid of?
Most of us we stumble on the financial aspects and risk-taking that going full-time (and by full-time, I mean you make your living financially from your creative work) brings. There’s uncertainty. There’s what ifs. There’s the sense that you are absolutely, ultimately responsible for your financial fate. Which you are. But until you cross the border into full-time creative work, you won’t know the true extent of your personal power to create a life you love.
For all those folks who will talk you out of taking the leap – of, dare you even mention it, quitting a job in this economy (there’s never a ‘good’ time to quit a job, by the way)- they need to answer for their own dreams that are waiting for them to take a risk.
What happens when you take the leap? You learn that you can fly.
But here’s the secret: you’ve always been able to fly. You were born to fly. To follow the path of your unique talent and dreams. It’s just that you’ve spent too much getting dizzy looking down at the ground below and not enough time looking up at the endless sky.
I know, I know…what if it doesn’t work out? That’s what you want to know, right? What if you have a family, dependent on you?
Well, what if you could know that you had the power to lose it all financially and then earn it again? What if money wasn’t such a big deal? What if we took a more playful perspective with this amazing opportunity we have to live by our creative work and took more chances? What if the worst that could happen is losing a job, losing a house, losing the ability to maintain the same standard of living – wouldn’t you still, ultimately, really, in your soul, be okay? Couldn’t you find the resolve and power to find another job (there are jobs out there in many fields), to live with less, to start over, if you had to?
Of course you could. Many people are. And that’s one of the greatest blessings of a tough economy – it hurts, but it shakes us up and sets us free from the fear we have of what might happen if “the worst” happens to us economically. Because we are stronger than that.
We’re always stronger than we think we are.
Money is energy. It follows your lead. And if you are making decisions based on what you know in your soul to be right for you, you’ll create the financial energy you need to live your life.
So, let’s be less afraid. Let’s take more risks. Let’s enjoy this journey on earth and dare to do what we love.
Overcoming Rejection: Create Meaning in Your Creative Life
I’ve been thinking this last week how easy it is for us to hinge the whole point of our lives on our creative work. We put so much of ourselves – our spirit, psyche, physical energy, hopes, dreams and future self – into it. Yet, how easily that work is seen today, forgotten tomorrow.
We throw everything we have into a project and in the matter of a few business decisions by people who are most likely not emotionally invested in our work, it can all be dismissed and forgotten – forever. And even when we “make it” – the public enjoys our work for such a short time, then so quickly moves on.
It’s all so transient.
(Sure, every now and then a work will become a classic, but often not until the artist is dead.)
So what keeps us going? And is it healthy for us to pin so much on something that we adore, but has no power to love us back?
We create because we can’t not create, it’s simply our calling in life. But as much as we focus on the end result of our creativity, if we aren’t anchored and grounded to something far more lasting, we leave ourselves wide open to being torn apart and devastated. Repeatedly.
So what really matters? What is it that we can ground ourselves in so that when our work is done and gone, we’re not left wandering in the desert of futility?
Two things: the process of creation and the people we touch along the way.
If we find deep meaning in the process of creation, then we can continue to find meaning as we work on new projects. And no one can take that away from us.
If we find even deeper meaning in the lives that we bless and touch during the process, then we’ve found something even stronger to hold on to. And we can know that no matter what happens to our work, we’ve made a difference in our journey.
Isn’t that where true meaning in creative life lies?
Not in the big, glorious, high moments that we spend so much time pursuing and are here and gone and, in all honesty, leave us deflated, wondering “was that it? is that all? why don’t I feel any different now than I did before?” – but in the everyday process of doing the work, in the challenges, the creative decisions, the pursuit of excellence in our craft and in the joy of blessing others along the way.
Anchor yourself in what matters, in the deeper meaning of why you create.
Then hold on to that purpose when rejection and disappointment hit.
You’ll have the certainty that you’ve lived your life well. And no one can take that away.
creative inside out 